going once, going twice
sold to the girl
who ignored all the advice
of all the people who knew her better
she just stood there
on the front porch
waiting for her will
to come and get here

she was packed
she had a suitcase
full of noble intentions
she had a map
and a straight face
hell bent on reinvention
and she was ready
for the lonely
she was in it for
it only

going once, going twice
down the road less taken
with her diary and her WD40
and her swiss army knife
and her beer
and there was always
someone there to say
why don't you just stay
and hang your hat here

but she was packed
she had a suitcase
full of bungles and near misses
and she was swinging
through a jungle
of last calls and first kisses
and she was learning
about please
and huge humilities

then one day she looked around her
and everything up til then was showing
and she wondered how did i get here
without even knowing where i was going?
now there's no getting out of this
and there is no going back
and it all seems so odd sometimes
and the odds all seem stacked

going once, going twice
sold to the girl
who ignored all the advice
of all the people who knew her better
she just stood there
on the front porch
waiting for her will
to come and get here

she was packed
she had a suitcase
full of noble intentions
she had a map
and a straight face
hell bent on reinvention
and she was ready
for the lonely
she was in it for
it only

This is a collection of advice from, of all places Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul II, however it is all advice I have been dispensing in one form or another since 1998. Since I am at home and happened to come across the book, I figured I would put it in my journal so I can have it when I want it without hours of trolling the internet.

What I Wish I'd Known Sooner:

-Don't drink grape juice while wearing a white shirt and driving to school.
-Don't let your life wait for other people.
-Dropping a cellular phone into a bathtub of water kinda kills the phone.
-Your mother will find out if you dye your hair purple.
-You haven't really lived until you've gotten a 48 on an Advanced Placement U.S. History test.
-Don't ever fall in love with someone who is more than one thousand miles away from you. It usually doesn't work.
-Milk crates makes boring pets.
-If it hurts, DON'T DO IT AGAIN!
-That which does not kill you will ultimately make you stronger.
-Speaking in public gets easier with practice.
-Don't sprint around the pool if you are trying to impersonate Jim from Huck Finn.
-Ten years from now most of what we freak out about won't make any difference.
-All that's gold doesn't glisten.
-Zits always pop up when you really can't afford for them to pop up.
-Always stay after class because that's where connections are made.
-When in doubt, duck. When certain, don't bother, 'cuz you're already screwed.
-While driving a car through a gate, always, ALWAYS make sure the gate is open! The consequences might be fatal to your car.
-If you're not living (I mean really living), you're dead already.
-Never pierce your belly button in the dark.
-Just because someone flirts with you incessantly doesn't necessarily mean he or she likes you.
-If your calculus teacher tells you to quit talking after a test or he'll give you a zero for your test grade, he means it. Really.
-Sometimes smart people can do very, very, stupid things.
-Being nice to people will get you far.
-The one person you can truly love is often right in front of you.
-Never, ever, EVER let a member of the opposite sex make you compromise your standards. Never.
-Nothing is ever too good to be true (said by Michael Faraday).
-If you start to like a girl, her roommate will immediately start liking you.
-Parents aren't around forever, and you need to treasure them while they are.
-Don't take the SAT twice if you already have a good score in the first place.
-Never do something if the risk is greater than the reward.
-Think carefully before you act.
-Dreaming and doing go hand in hand.
-Life moves fast, but not so fast that you can't slow down to enjoy it.
-Instead of waiting for life to get better, do something about it.
-You REALLY should do what needs to be done NOW, and not later. Procrastination is the easiest way, but not the most profitable.
-If your intuition is telling you to not do something, then don't. Your intuition is not stupid!
-Cereal is a vital stable for for all college students. Who cares how ridiculous you look eating it at 7:30 p.m.?
-If he doesn't respect you, then he's not worth any of your time.
-Learn to play an electric guitar: young women really dig it.
-Don't juggle knives unless you're really, really good at it.
-If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then give up. No sense in being ridiculous about it.
-Sticking things up your nose isn't the smartest idea in the world.
-You can't light fireworks in the basement and not get caught.
-Hair is flammable. Very flammable.
-Never ever trust your friend with a pair of scissors against your hair.
-Dyeing hair strawberry blond that is already strawberry blond makes it turn strawberry pink.
-White dogs and black pants don't mix.
-God doesn't make junk!
-Someday you will look back on this and it will all seem funny.
-You never know when you're making a memory.
-The heart does heal, and you will love like this again-- except when you do, you'll deny that you ever loved like this before.
-Nothing matters if you don't have loved ones to share it with. Your siblings are incredibly precious. If you don't know this now, you will--trust me!
-If you can laugh at yourself, you are going to be fine.
-If you allow others to laugh with you, you'll be great!
-Kissing is the most fun thing. Dancing is almost as fun.

( So. Many. Books. )
And I think I am now all caught up with my book log. I might have missed something in there somewhere, but I think that is all of them.

Princess, I just went to the library yesterday, so I will have different, interesting books to review next week. :)

It's been a while since I have updated on my reading habits. Work has been so hectic, my days off are utilized for sleep, and trying to have some semblance of a social life. (You know, it really wards off the crazies when life is not all work and no play. I've been trying to play, and organize my apartment, in a pathetic effort to stay sane.)
And, as always, I have been reading.
( Read more )

From a thread in the New Orleans community just now.

Someone posts:

i go to cal state fullerton and taking an american studies course about New Orleans. I have to do a research paper and i have some questions about the city and i was wondering if you can help me out??

how is the crime after hurricane katrina in the city of new orleans?

what area in new orleans did hurricane katrina affect the most?

what is the state of mardi gras since hurricane katrina?

And the replies are hilarious. My favorite:

Everybody knows that it's always Mardi Gras here. In fact, we are a Cajun Brigadoon that only appears before Lent and vanishes into the swamp on Ash Wednesday. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a parade coming down my street.

The close second:

how is the crime after hurricane katrina in the city of new orleans?

it is bad, teh mayor, Mr. F. Domino, has issued a reprot recomending all people in the city of new orleans arm themselfs with knifes when they come into the french quarter, where the mardi gras is held

what area in new orleans did hurricane katrina affect the most?

mostly the french quarter (which the locals call "deep ellum"), but it also affected some of the big downtown buildings, including the crysler building, a well-known landmark in new orleans, and displaced residents of the city of new orleans biggest housing project, cabrini-green.

what is the state of mardi gras since hurricane katrina?

it is good! i went to mardi gras last week and it was so much improved over even six months ago that i couldnt beleive it!


It wouldn't be so sad if I didn't answer very similar questions every time I was in Colorado. But still fuckin' funny.

Book # 18: The Woman Warrior: Memoirs of a Girlhood Among Ghosts by Maxine Hong Kingston.

Brittany lent me a bunch of books to read one day when I was complaining that I was out of book, and had exhausted Walgreen's fine array of literature. This one was among them, a nice mix of fiction, classics and books I'm sure she had to buy for some classes along the way. It is refreshing to have to use my mind to think about things other than work every once in a while.

This book plays fast and loose with my idea of a memoir. In my head memoirs are more interesting than biographies, but very much in the same vein. Kingston lays out her life in a very non-liner fashion, lengthly interrupted by "talk-stories" or myths her mother had told her. One whole section of the book (which is broken up into five parts) is devoted to Fa Mu Lan and how she became a great woman warrior. How interesting it is to see the story as it is meant to be, instead of the Disney-fied version that we all know. It is very very different, but like all Disney movies still retains some of the original message.

It is difficult to tell the facts of Kingston's life from the Chinese fictions that her parents have told her. The way that she tells her story makes it difficult to separate what was only in her head and what might have really happened. Perhaps that is from the strain of trying to intertwine two drastically different cultures at so young an age. I haven't ever had that problem, I have always been able to tell fact from fiction (even fiction that I am deeply involved with) and separate my whole being into nice little compartments. Perhaps that is the Americanized way of living, to separate your life into little, digestible, compartments. We have so many milestones and so many markers to cut up time into as many little pieces as we need to to make sure that everything makes sense. Perhaps without these markers and these little contained pieces, it would be like the memoir, everything liquid and flowing from one point to another.

Perhaps life shouldn't be compartmentalized as we do it. Perhaps that is no way to live. Kingston's memoir doesn't separate the fact from the fiction, the talk stories from the actual events. There are a couple of times where she says that she has tried to separate these things, separate what is Chinese in her from what is American in her, but she never seemed to succeed. I would say that maybe if Americans weren't so good at compartmentalizing and putting troublesome emotions away in little boxes, then we would be a happier group of people, however, Kingston never seemed to put any thing in the little boxes and her life doesn't seem any happier than any other.

One part I especially liked was when she decided that she would tell her mother everything she had ever done wrong in her life, to absolve herself of the guilt that was ever present. She started with killing a spider when she was five, and thought if she just told one or two things she had done a day, she would have told her mother all of her "sins" in a year. This didn't last very long, unfortunately, because her mother didn't want to listen to her whisper about seemingly insignificant guilts. Kingston rationalizes it as she was intruding on her mother's only quiet time during the day. I thought it was a neat idea though, and a need to be absolved that is infinitely relate-able.

All in all, an interesting read. I only wish I was in class again, I would be prompted to go deeper, and inspired by the people around me to think about things I would never have come up with on my own.

But, instead of think some more, I read another trashy romance novel.

Book # 19: Devil May Cry by Sherrilyn Kenyon.

In my last post I talked about why I enjoy Ms. Kenyon's books so much. Well, none of that has changed, and with the latest book, I don't really have anything to add. The thing about romance books, even well written, highly entertaining romance books, is that still, they are all about the same. I enjoyed whittling away a couple hours while I was waiting for Tino to pick me up, and a couple of hours yesterday, reading, smoking and drinking coffee. There is no better way to spend a lazy Wednesday afternoon than just relaxing on my front stooplet with caffeine, nicotine, and vicariously living through other people.

Book #14 Dark of the Moon by Susan Krinard

( Blah, Blah, Blah... )

Who knew I could write so much about a book I didn't like?

Book #15: The Bitch Posse by Martha O'Conner.

( Put your trigger on my finger. )

Book #16: The Scandalous Summer of Sissy LeBlanc by Loraine Despres

( It's okay for a woman to know her place. She just shouldn't stay there. Rule #59. )

Book #17: Upon the Midnight Clear by Sherrilyn Kenyon.


( I love it when a man sweet-talks me. )

Phew, that was a lot of books. Stay tuned for next week, when I start to think again with a memoir about growing up Chinese-American.

I'm a little behind on my book updating. And one of these days I might get a wild hair and even update about my life instead of pretending that it doesn't exist and burying it in fiction.

Book #11The Ex Files: A Novel by Jane Moore.

This was an undeniably chick-lit book. I usually avoid those, with their super pink covers and pictures of lipstick or shoes. It seems that all women are portrayed the same way, as image obsessed bimbos with no greater thought processes than how to land a husband. I hear you say "Oh, yeah, like the romance books you devour are soooo much better!", but at least historical romance gives you a little instruction about the past. Anyway, The Ex Files stars the high-maintenance model Faye, who is all set to be married to Mark, the struggling chef and all around nice guy. The only catch is that she decided to go the more male route of having one last fling before tying the knot. Turns out the random, very hot, mesmerizing man she picked up in the wine bar for an almost tryst (she stops at the last second before sex) is none other than Mark's older brother Tony.

If this didn't complicate the wedding enough, both Mark and Faye had decided to invite a couple of exes. Mark has along his very first girlfriend (the high school sweetheart) and the woman who changed his life in college... really the one that got away, Kate. Faye, having no real significant relationships to pull on invites a devestatingly handsome and devistatingly self-centered male model, and some very nice guy who was way too into her.

Most of the forward action of the novel takes place on the two days leading up to the wedding. With frequent flashbacks on both Faye and Mark's side to flesh out their characters, the stories about their exes and how the people around them are significant. For most of the present action, I just had that sinking feeling of overwhelming sympathy and awkwardness. Faye got herself into some remarkably uncomfortable positions. It makes one just want to yell "Oh, don't do that, are you stupid?!?"

But after all the weirdness is over, the wedding is called off and each Mark and Faye end up with their considerably better suited partners. It was the predictable kind of thing that you would expect from a book as such, very Bridget Jones. But it did have a couple of things to recommend it. First, it was a British novel, and I am back into my severe Anglophile phase. (Damn you and your excellent telly BBC!) I love British slang, so much better than American slang. Also, Ms. Moore managed to make a female lead that I would usually detest very relate able. She did this with the never fail of Daddy-issues. You all know I love me my Daddy issues and working them out through any means other than reality. (Speaking of which, when does Grey's Anatomy come back on?)

All in all, it was a fine read to get the retched taste of Haunted out of my brain. Perhaps not the greatest work of chick lit to come from across the pond, but certainly not the worst.

Book #12: Blood Sucking Fiends by Christopher Moore. (No known relation to Jane Moore of the previous novel.)

This is the book that came before You Suck: A Love Story which I loved so much. It has all the same characters, Jody and Tommy and Elijah and The Animals. No Abby Normal yet, but one very important character that I think I failed to mention in the last post. There is a very interesting cameo role in these book for The Emperor of America. If you are not familiar with the story of the only Emperor of America Joshua Norton, you really should wikipedia it. He was a very interesting fellow that lived in San Fransisco in the mid-1800s who proclaimed himself Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. In reality he was a homeless and kinda crazy old man who had lost everything with bad investments. The remarkable part is that all of San Fransisco humored him. He had places to stay for free, ate for free, people even printed him his own money. For all purposes he lived out his reign as if he was indeed, Emperor. He has been referenced in many other forms of pop-culture, but I think in these books he has his greatest roles.

I was thinking of proclaiming myself Queen of New Orleans, but knowing my luck, they would probably just throw me back into the mental hospital.

This book was not quite as funny as it's sequel, but both books are still the most interesting things to come out of the vampire genre in quite some time. Certainly the most funny. Some times it's nice when the undead don't take themselves quite so seriously.

Book #13: The Dead Room by Heather Graham.

I became a fan of Heather Graham even before reading the first book by her that I picked up. The inscription/dedication of that first book encouraged people to come down to New Orleans and pour their tourist dollars into this place. Any author who is a friend of New Orleans is a friend of mine. It of course helps that she writes very interesting books. The first couple I had picked up were trashy vampire romance novels, taking place in Post-K New Orleans, which I thought were great. They had interesting takes on vampire lore and interesting plot twists. The other books she writes are thrillers. This is another genre that I usually avoid because of countless poorly written lemons, however, Ms. Graham always does quite well, and always includes the supernatural spin which I eat up like ice cream.

The Dead Room is no exception. Leslie is our main character, who is a very smart archaeologist. A year ago she lost her fiancee in an explosion that almost cost her her life as well. When she recovered she realized she had the ability to converse with ghosts. Eventually she returns to Manhattan to dig into the explosion that killed her fiancee, and becomes entangled with a case full of prostitutes that are just vanishing off the street. No blood, no trace evidence, nothing. Just vanishing.

As thrillers go, it is an excellent one. Perhaps the twist at the end isn't as surprising as the jacket blurbs made it out to be, but I have been watching an incredible amount of Dexter lately.

Though I don't encourage people very often to go out and buy anything (Goddess knows, I don't buy most forms of media that I consume) but Heather Graham and Christopher Moore are both authors you should at least check out from the library, if not go and support them by buying their books. Both are good investments for hours of fun.

Yay! Now I am all caught up on my books! I have been so accomplished this weekend it's crazy! I have left the house both days, and today I even walked in the park and absorbed some of that good vitamin D. Damn, it's almost like I have a life or something.

We are a culture fascinated with terror. We always have been, and it is only fitting that now most Americans live in a state of subtle fear that drives them to spend more, work more, do more, more, more, faster, faster, now, now, NOW! Of course, instead of bored authors stuck in a house during the rainy season in England, it is the government that pens our horror stories for us. The movies and books that are supposed to inspire fear have become antiquated legends and nothing but urban myths. The vampires and Frankenstein's Monsters that captured the imagination of a society a century ago have nothing on the horrors of terrorism and the fear of rising oil prices. Now the vampires and monsters brought back from the dead are nothing more than simple diversions we watch to thrill us and make us forget, for a moment, that there are scarier things in the real world.

And I suppose that Chuck Palahniuk was looking for something to scare the modern reader, he was looking for something to resonate in the imagination just as Shelley's monster did a century ago. His horror novel Haunted may have done that for some people. But not for me. I can understand where he is coming from, trying to push the definition of horror to a new level, trying to show us that the most terrifying thing, as always is not what goes bump in the night, but it is ourselves. However, not being in a Gothic Lit class, and having very few people to talk about my reading with, one isn't really going for how to best justify the existence of this book. That a book has to be justified kinda takes all the fun out of reading for pleasure.

Let me tell you, this book was not a pleasure to read. In a word, this book is disgusting. Never before in any sort of horror medium have I thought to myself that I just might throw up from the things being described. Several times I was tempted to stop reading, but in some sick way I wanted to know what happened at the end, I thought the ending might somehow redeem the hundreds of pages of truly disgusting events that took place. It did not. Perhaps I am just missing the point, but at the end I felt unresolved and vaguely nauseous, but relieved that it was finally over. I don't know if that was the type of response he was hoping for when people read his book, perhaps it was. After the novel was finished, there was a short essay about how people reacted to "Guts" the short story that opens the book. People fainted. At readings all over the world, people dropped like flies. Palahniuk tells us all this with a joyful narrative, with pride about how his story was making people so overwhelmed that they lost consciousness. He is one sick puppy.

So ended the first Chuck Palahniuk book I have ever read. It will also be my last. Perhaps I am missing the point, but, I did stop watching the news for a reason... I don't need to be schooled in how horrible people can be. And I would rather not read all about it, in graphic detail, in my fiction.